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Dec 20

The sliding doors between a baked beans world and 1970’s pool

Like a scene from Reservoir Dogs we strolled up Lewes Road until we reached The Labour Club, cues in hand. The door opened and as we stepped forward we were transported back in time to the nineteen seventies. The women behind the counter monitoring the door. The corrider leading to the bar and then in all its 1970’s glory the club itself. For a few hours I was transported back to my youth spent in working mens labour clubs in Suffolk. Cheap beer, terrible décor, several men sitting alone at seperate tables drinking beer. The pool table, worn almost into the ground and the compulsory dart boards. All it needed was Slade on the sound system and for authenticity, smoke, swirling around and covering every surface with tar.

The baked bean had to admit he’d had an easy life thus far. Having been picked and seperated from his siblings (a little traumatic) he’d found himself swimming in sauce and although a little strange at first he’d quickly got used to it and quite frankly life seemed good now. It was about to take a turn for the worse.

One day laying on his back swirling in the sauce with his mates the bean suddenly saw a small shaft of light from above. Rapidly the shaft grew bigger and soon the whole roof had bean somehow stripped away to reveal a blue sky and small white clouds. Moments later everything went swoosh and before he knew it he was in a saucepan and could feel things heating up. It was just about to get a little too warm when again the pan was lifted up and Bean and all his mates where sploshed onto a strange surface they’d never seen before (toast). Feeling a little rattled at this point he remained motionless and waited for what was next (big mistake).

Moments later he was flying through the air on some strange contraption with some of the strange surface underneath him. The lights all went out and he felt himself being pressed inwards and downwards by mysterious forces. In the dark there was nothing he could do except go with the flow. Soon things became very unpleasant as he was attacked from all sides by strange forces seemingly intent on destroying him, whilst relentlessly being pushed and pressed downwards. He passed out.

When Bean came too he seemed to be surrounded by a strange brown mess and couldn’t move in any direction. The smell was horrendous and he couldn’t stop gagging. Things stayed like this for a good few hours before suddenly he felt lots of pressure from behind him pushing him further downwards. All of a sudden all the brown mess in front of him broke away from him and like a rollercoaster they seemed to whoosh forward. Briefly there was a short shaft of light and then darkness once again. Sleep overwhelmed him.

Bean was suddenly woken by everything around him shaking this way and that, he could hear strange gutteral noises and generally was disoriented. The shaking stopped, his whole world seemed to turn upside down and then all of a sudden something soft and pink seemed to be pushing against him, it pushed and pushed until eventually a swirl of white stuff flowed from it. Bean was dislodged by this and so reached out and grabbed hold of the pink object. Suddenly he found himself going backwards, there was a slight sucking sound as the pink object with Bean still clinging on seemed to pull out of the darkness and all of a sudden Bean was surrounded by light. Still clinging on to the pink object he looked up to see a man who exclaimed “What the fuck”.

Frank the Zebra as in the film Sliding Doors had a game of two halves, the first being sublime and the second being shit (the brown messy kind). Beaten.

Mr Angry stepped up and picked off his man without too much fuss. Leaving him with plenty of time to discuss beans and such.
6fish was sent into the breach and still there was no sign of a win. A half decent opponent was good enough to see him off.

Time to throw in our best player, Muscles, just as in previous weeks he was too strong for his opponent, and so to the final match.

Big Unit, given the heavy responsibility of finishing the match off did just that.

The Labour Club are unlucky to be where they are and we only just scraped by them but scrape by them we did.